NBA’s UFC card was loaded Friday night: Butler choked, punches fly

In a surprise act for the NBA in February, there was some life in a couple of regular season games Friday. First, the Miami Heat played a little too rough with Zion Williamson, and it led to four ejections. Then later, a garbage time layup in the Charlotte Hornets-Golden State Warriors game prompted an exchange of pleasantries that Draymond Green of all people admonished.

Let’s start with Heat-Pelicans because it’s always funny to watch Jimmy Butler get choked.

I’m unfamiliar with Naji Marshall’s work, but who among us hasn’t wanted to throttle the founder of Big Face Coffee? $25 for a mochaccino? F*ck you. To play Heat Culture’s advocate, once you feel a man’s hold tighten on your throat, even the most benign player is going to have a reaction.

However, are we sure the Heat didn’t simply see “red”? Those black and green jerseys would have most of us in a frenzy, especially if Jose Alvarado was strobe-lighting around.

For the record, Thomas Bryant is a center, so you know Alvarado must’ve been super obnoxious to make him start swinging.

Then in the late card, the normally never-bothered Miles Bridges and Grant Williams took umbrage with Lester Quinones laying the ball in instead of taking a shot clock violation with the game in hand.

To which Steve Clifford said to himself, “Hey, Miles, maybe don’t … Grant, nobody likes you already …” * Audible sigh*

Here’s Green’s haiku for the next Meditations in an Emergency.

“I don’t really understand why people get so mad at somebody scoring at the end of the game. It’s like this dumb, unofficial, unwritten rule,” Green said, acknowledging he considers Bridges like a little brother. “If you all were winning by 13 points would you get mad if he laid a ball up? I doubt it. So it’s kind of like a sore loser type thing.”

Ah, yes, sage advice from the most gracious winner going in the NBA. Here, here, sore loser and all that. Well said, chap. Just, umm, didn’t you get suspended earlier this season for putting Rudy Gobert to sleep via chokehold?

Looking for a little nightcap to all that near violence? Here’s Malaki Branham speeding up LeBron James’ retirement.

Kudos to Branham for keeping his composure, because if I ever pumped it on Bron-Bron like that, I would incite a f*cking riot. In case you were wondering the outcomes, the Heat beat the Pelicans, 106-95; Golden State cruised past Charlotte, 97-84; and the Lakers outlasted the Spurs, 123-118.

I’m not one to condone physical altercations, but I have experienced a few adrenaline-based uppers in my day, and I gotta say, nothing snaps you out of a slumber like watching one human bounce another human’s skull off the pavement.

Is it sad that NBA players jostling to see who can be the biggest fake tough guy woke me out of a sushi nap at 1 a.m.? Yes, but that’s better than wondering if I should call 9-1-1, administer CPR, or flee the scene.

Damian Lillard, preserving coaches’ reputations since 2012

If the Milwaukee Bucks go anywhere in the playoffs, it’ll be because Damian Lillard bails them out of the poopiest offensive sets ever drawn up. #FireDocRivers

LASTLY, DAME TIME WAS THE STEPH CURRY NIGHT-NIGHT BEFORE THE STEPH CURRY NIGHT-NIGHT.